Parody of Weird Al’s ‘Amish Paradise’, Greek Mythology Version

So, yeah. For Mythology, we had to write a rap about one of the myths about Athena and/or Poseidon.  I chose to do the myth of Arachne and set it to the tune of ‘Amish Paradise.’  I’m aware ‘Amish Paradise’ is itself a parody, but he changed the music slightly and so my parody is of his song, not the song he parodied.

 

‘Spider’s Paradise’

To the tune of ‘Amish Paradise’ by Weird Al

There’s a girl named Arachne, and you better believe/

Just take a look at her work and you can see that she can weave!/

And that’s just perfect for the young Arachne,/

Because her dad dyed sheep’s wool to make it more pretty./

 

“Well, Athena must have taught her,” the people said,/

Arachne denied it, said “It’s all from my head./

“Athena can’t teach me a thing, you see,/

“Because she’s not the best, no, that would be me.”/

 

Now Athena heard and she wouldn’t let it stand,/

So disguised as an old woman she cooked up a plan./

She went up to young Arachne and she said. “You best beware,/

“You’re bound to displease Athena if you keep putting on airs.”/

 

Chorus:

We’ve been spending most our lives, living in a spider’s paradise./

Ate beetles once or twice, living in a spider’s paradise./

It’s hard work and sacrifice, living in a spider’s paradise./

We sell quilts at discount price, living in a spider’s paradise./

 

Arachne said “Athena doesn’t have me beat,/

“If she doesn’t like my words, then my challenge she’ll meet!”/

So Athena straightened up and cast off her disguise,/

And the radiant goddess was revealed to all eyes./

 

So the contest it began, and both ladies’ work was amazing,/

But while Arachne was fast, Athena was simply blazing./

When the contest was done, Arachne still was haughty,/

But everyone could see she was just being naughty./

 

Both of them got mad, but Athena’s a goddess,/

They got into a catfight, and it was just no contest./

Athena slapped Arachne and she began to change,/

Her features and her limbs got all rearranged./

 

Her hair got short and spread over her, she grew some extra legs,/

And instead of having babies, she now has to lay eggs./

 

Chorus:

We’ve been spending most our lives, living in a spider’s paradise./

We’re just plain and simple guys, living in a spider’s paradise./

No time for pride and vice, living in a spider’s paradise./

We don’t fight, we all play nice, living in a spider’s paradise./

 

The moral of the story, is very plain to see:/

If you piss off a goddess, you’ll be like Arachne!/

Arachne thought she was best, but Athena taught her better,/

She said “You vain and foolish girl, go and spin forever!”/

 

So now it’s true a spider is the form of Arachne,/

And that is why ‘arachnid’s how they’re known to you and me./

So don’t be vain, and don’t be whiney!/

Or else, my brother, Athena might get medieval on your hiney!

 

Chorus:

We’ve been spending our lives, living in a spider’s paradise./

We’re all crazy Hellenites, living in a spider’s paradise./

No cops or traffic lights, living in a spider’s paradise./

But you’d probably think it bites, living in a spider’s paradise./

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