Movie Review: The Avengers: Final Thought

The hardest part of being a detective is seeing what isn’t there.  I’m no detective, but it also applies here, since I just noticed something that wasn’t in The Avengers.

Romance.

Except for a little flirting between Tony and Pepper in the very beginning, and a little between Hawkeye and Black Widow, who are both heroes, so they didn’t have to have a useless female love interest, there was no romance.  It was solely an action comedy.

Which is a very good thing, in my opinion.  Trying to have a romantic sub-plot would have slowed down and weakened the movie.  Plus, it would have meant less screen time for the actual Avengers if they had tried to include Hulk’s girlfriend or Thor’s.

The more I think about this movie, the more I like it.

SPOILER: Loki: Enough! You are, all of you are beneath me! I am a god, you dull creature, and I shall not be bullied… 
[Hulk flattens Loki with repeated smashes into the floor] 
The Hulk: Puny god.  End Spoiler.

Movie Review: The Avengers

So I went to see the Avengers on Mothers’ Day with my family, and my take-away first impression was, “Every second of that movie was either funny or action-packed or both.”

Then I went to see it again, this past Monday, and my second opinion was, “All right, not every moment was funny or action-packed or both.  But most of them were.”

One of the great things about it was that it needed little to no exposition for the heroes.  The previous five movies (Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, The Incredible Hulk) introduced us to most of the characters, even the ones like Hawkeye and Black Widow who weren’t the focus of the films.

Another thing was that Joss Whedon was heavily involved.  As anyone who’s watched Firefly, Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog, or both can tell you, Joss Whedon is a master of comedy, both spoken and physical.  I’m sure his involvement in The Avengers was a big part in its awesomeness.

All right, so I’m done waxing eloquent about how great it was, and I’m actually going to discuss the movie.  Anytime you see the word ‘spoiler’ like this ‘SPOILER:’, it means there is white text in front of it that you can highlight to see.

So The Avengers begins with a big threat (naturally), and you should be able to figure what it is, if you’ve seen the first movies.  Director Fury needs backup.  Super-powered backup.  So he goes looking for our intrepid heroes.

Cap’s easy.  He’s on hand, since SHIELD thawed him out, and since he’s a soldier, he’s ready and willing to help.  Banner, however, is in hiding, Natasha is on assignment, and Stark is busy with his own stuff.

Now some movies have a deus ex machina here, which forces our heroes together.  Not so in The Avengers.  Each one has a nice little story bit that pulls them smoothly into the main flow.

SPOILER: I especially liked Natasha’s.  ”You can’t call me when I’m on assignment. I’m in the middle of an interrogation, this moron’s giving me everything.” Russian: “I… I not give everything…”  And then Banner’s: “STOP LYING TO ME! … I’m sorry, that was mean. I just wanted to see how you’d react.” End Spoiler

But once they’re together, there’s still friction between them.  Cap and Tony get into conflicts over following orders, everyone’s edgy around Banner, Thor’s condescending, and Fury’s aloof and secretive.  Their petty arguments, however, get dropped pretty fast when a catastrophe (another one) demands action.

They’re still not a team.  As Banner puts it, “A team? No, no, we’re a time bomb.”  But then something happens, something so small in the eyes of the villain, but which binds the team together.

SPOILER: Agent Coleson’s death, and Fury’s slight manipulation with the trading cards following it. End Spoiler.

And once the Avengers are united, they are all kinds of epic.  Plus, given that Hulk and Thor (and Iron Man, to a lesser extent) are essentially invincible, there’s plenty of room for heroic slapstick.

SPOILER: Such as Hulk punching Thor across the room after they take down that worm thing. End Spoiler.

The final battle of the movie is one of the single greatest long battles ever.  All six of the Avengers have epic scenes, and funny scenes, and epic funny scenes, and even the villain has a funny line.

So, some ratings, and then I’ll have a big spoiler block with my favorite scenes.

Visuals: 5/5 They even included Thor’s armoring-up scene, which I thought was the single coolest thing in his entire movie.

Dialog: 5/5 Tony Stark, man. Every time he opens his mouth, funny happens.

Story: 5/5 Big epic threat, believable finish, cliffhanger at the end, but not one that leaves you without closure.

Oh, and when you see it, stay ALL the way through the credits.  There is a second bonus scene.

SPOILERS:

Tony Stark: Dr. Banner, your work is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster. 

Bruce Banner: I don’t think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy’s brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him. 
Thor: Have a care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother. 
Natasha Romanoff: He killed eighty people in two days. 
Thor: He’s adopted. 

Natasha Romanoff: [discussing attacking Loki] They’re basically gods. 
Steve Rogers: Ma’am, there’s only one God, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that. 

World Security Council: Director Fury, the council has made a decision. 
Nick Fury: I recognise the council has made a decision, but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision, I’ve elected to ignore it. 

Natasha Romanoff: [watching the aliens come toward them] This is just like Budapest all over again. 
Clint Barton: You and I remember Budapest very differently. 

Tony Stark: [chased by a Leviathan] Guys, I’m bringing the party to you! 
[he and the Leviathan break out of a building and speed away toward the rest of the Avengers] 
Natasha Romanoff: I don’t see how that’s a party. 

Loki: [after Thor charges at Loki's duplicate and gets locked in a prison] Are you ever *not* going to fall for that? 

End Spoiler, and End post.

Whitein

Did you see what I did there? With the title? Yes, it’s a whitein. The opposite of a blackout. Yes, I’m very clever. Mwaha.

… Ahem. Anyway.

I’m back.  Graduation was amazing, and my grandmother and aunt came down to visit, so that was awesome.  I got to go to one of my favorite restaurants, and see the Avengers again.

Let’s see, recent developments…  Well, expect to see reviews of The Avengers, Diablo III, and World of Warcraft sometime in the near future.  Also expect to see me moving slightly away from my opinions and back into short stories.

I have had a lot of new story/world/character ideas, so I might be introducing some or all of them to you at some point in the near future.

Also, I’m accepting commissions for short stories, in any setting, almost any genre, featuring any characters you want, whether they’re mine, yours, or from a popular story or show that I’ve seen.

I think that about covers it for now.  Further bulletins as events warrant.

Free iPads!

I want an iPad.  So I’m sharing the contest for extra entries. Mwaha. More wanton abuse of my influence.

http://www.smartappsforkids.com/2012/04/win-one-of-four-ipad-2s-from-smartappsforkidscom.html

So go enter! And then go ‘like’ their Facebook page, and comment telling them I sent you, and then comment here telling me you told them, so I can claim you as being referred.

Profanity is the Linguistic Crutch of the Inarticulate Mo********er

**Warning: While I will not use actual curse words in this post, I will use them in a censored fashion, with the first letter shown and the rest ‘*’ed out.  Also, slightly mature content, due to the nature of the words discussed.**

I don’t approve of the casual use of curse words.  But neither am I one of those who thinks that all profanity is all bad in all situations.  I believe that all words have a place, profanity among them.  Profanity’s place is to highly emphasize, usually in a negative way.  That is why the profanity I hear nowadays bothers me; not because it is used at all, but because it is overused incorrectly.

The reason I’m doing this post is because of my friend’s yearbook.  She gave it to me to sign, so I open it up, and the first thing that pops out at me is someone else’s signature:

“You are f***ing amazing, and you’re the f***ing s***.  Keep being f***ing awesome.”

… Really? Really? I was irked, and proceeded to write half a page of elegant prose in her yearbook, as though I could make up for the crudeness of all her other friends.  That didn’t feel like enough, so now I’m educating all my readers on appropriate profanity.

Let me first address when it is not appropriate to use profanity.  If you’re complimenting something, don’t use profanity.  Saying something is ‘f***ing amazing’ is meaningless.  It doesn’t even make sense, given what the f-word really means.  If you want to use more than one curse word in a sentence, don’t use profanity.  Profanity is to emphasize.  If you make an entire paragraph bold, nothing in it will stand out.

Example: An attractive person walks by.

• Bad: D***, that mother****er is ****ing fine as ****ing ****!
• Better: Whoa, that person is d*** fine! (Still not good, as you shouldn’t use profanity with a compliment.
• Good: Whoa, that person is incredibly fine!
• What I would say: Whoa, that woman is incredibly beautiful. (Since I would only comment on a girl, and don’t like the term ‘fine’.)

Now, for when it is appropriate to use profanity.  If you drop something very heavy on your foot, it’s okay to swear.  Once.  I saw a study that suggested that the hormones released by swearing actually do help you tolerate the pain.  If something horrifically or catastrophically bad happens, or if you’re shocked in a way that you could never have anticipated, it’s okay to swear.  Those are the situations that profanity was meant for.

Example (Stolen from Firefly): You walk into the middle of a town in which one of your crew members is a wanted fugitive, after stealing a fortune from the magistrate.  You see a statue in his honor.

• Bad: What the f*** is this f***ing statue of Jayne doing in f***ing town square?! (Remember, only one.)
• Good: … Son of a b****!

Finally, situations in which you should  never use profanity, even if one of the acceptable situations happens.  First, in the presence of children.  Second, at formal events, eg., weddings, funerals, interviews, and any black-and-white event.  I would say you shouldn’t swear in front of women either, but that opens up a whole other can of worms that I’m saving for my gender roles post.

Basically, profanity is an extremely limited tool than grows weaker each time you use it.  When the thug with his pants around his knees looks behind you and says, “What the h*** is that?!”, you don’t react with undo haste, since that’s how he speaks.  When your pastor says the same thing, you whip around to see what he’s talking about, because if the  pastor’s using profanity, it’s serious. Precision F-bombs have more effect than carpet-bombing with F-bombs.

So, know your place!  Only use profanity in times of most dire need.  ”I dropped my keys” does not need an expletive.  ”The Empire State Building is falling out of the sky” does.

P.S. The expletive in the title is ironic. So don’t send me any stupid emails.

Wanton Abuse of Influence

This is me using my powers for mostly selfish reasons.  There’s a ‘Free Gas for a Year’ sweepstakes being sponsored by AutoZone.  I get extra entries for people who use this link here.

Enter Sweepstakes

So use it. Doesn’t cost you a thing, might even get you free gas. And at today’s prices, that’s a huge savings.

Now What’s Next?

I won’t do one of these after every post.  I’ll just do them in order of popularity after this.  I had been getting some confusion as to what the post options were, so I though I should detail them.

Liberals Don’t Make Sense

• Okay, this one’s actually pretty self-explanatory.

What’s a Man to Do?

• This is an explanation of what I believe the role of a man is, in society. And probably also a woman and child.

A Briefer History of Time

• The title is a play on ‘A Brief History of Time’.  It’s my summary of what’s wrong with Evolution.

Social Security Should Stop

• The economic and social reasons why social security (and other welfare) is killing America.